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Saturday, March 06, 2004

So it's Saturday.
Hardly any sleep last night. That's ok, though. It's like a free LSD trip.
As the fragmented lines of my person come apart completely into pixilation, I think to myself, "This sucks".

That seems to be a common sentiment around these parts. "This sucks".

Oh well.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Ah Monday morning...
I hate daytime. I'm like a vampire in that sense. Also in the sense that I suck blood and make vampires out of my victims.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Here we go, people.
It takes something special to be a success in Comedy. People have told me that it's talent. I used to think it was timing and great material. Some people have a "hook". But that ain't it.

It's having a comedy weblog!

So here we go. I said that already. Crap. I'm getting redundant already.

Anyway...

It isn't easy being a Master of the Universe. It takes a fantastic amount of control to not use my amazing powers of destruction on all kinds of people. Here's a sample of the kind of shit that drives me buggy...

Person on the street: I'm tired (bored, hungry, thirsty, horny, regicidal, etc.).

Me: Well do something about it.

POTS: Like what?

Me: Like sleep (find something fun to do, eat, drink, snap your radish, kill the king, etc.).

POTS: Nah.

Me: Well why the fuck not?!?!?!?

POTS: I don't feel like it.

That's it. People want/need something and won't do dick to get it. It's like karma is being paid out as some kind of welfare system.

POTS: I need some karma, man.

Karma Welfare Office Worker: Fill out this form, you'll get some satasfaction in 4 to 6 weeks.

POTS: Do I have to DO anything?


Good God.

Ok, time for the 4:20 lesson of the day!

Identifying good grass

Lesson one: S & H

If your grass has been crushed into a brick to facilitate shipping, it probably sucks ass. A simple test: take a bud (if you can separate it from the other crushed vegetable matter) and try to break it up into small, burnable chunks. If you need a food processor or a chainsaw, it's probably crap.

Try to find herb that gets shipped in a big glass jar, not in the gastank of some Mexican pick-up truck. It should look fluffy and light, like what actually grows on the plant, not what has been run over by a dinosaur riding a steamroller.

Keep 'em lit.

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